


But I Want (a tight-knit family)

by ShippingEverything



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Family Planning, Gen, Season 3 Spoilers, basically if you haven't finished season three don't look at this, bc im a fool who didnt know paula and maxine could kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2019-08-09 09:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16447472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingEverything/pseuds/ShippingEverything
Summary: Maybe a family reallycanbe an American doctor, a Jewish half-zombie, and a Chinese radio operator, but first they have to talk about it.Or: three private conversations that were held before the conception of Sara Myers-Cohen-Yao





	1. Sam and Maxine

**Author's Note:**

> once again, i must Create the content i wish to see in this fandom, which is fine bc i love all these characters. ~~also can i just say how Irritated i am that paula/maxine/sam is a tag but not the Non Relationship version of that? leave my lesbian daughter, her bisexual wife, and their best friend alone~~
> 
> title from _Tight-Knit Family_ from Falsettos

It’s late. Sam and Maxine are on the roof of the comms shack, which isn’t _exactly_ allowed, but Janine is asleep and as long as no one snitches, they’ll be fine. Between them sits a few bottles of the Phil Cheeseman’s Truth or Dare Cider, some of the last brewed before Radio Cabel went out on the road -- Eugene had given them to Sam as a goodbye and a thank you, for helping them set up and for piping their little radio show into the ears of every Abel runner, whether the runner wanted it or not, until they became “beloved local celebrities” and all that. Sam had been saving it for a rainy day, for a true celebration but, well, the world went to even more hell than usual, and Five’s finally back, and it seemed like as good a time as any. 

“I told Five a story about my childhood the other day,” Sam says, slurs really, if he’s being honest with himself. He’d always been a lightweight, and the rarity of alcohol for drinking during the zombie apocalypse hasn’t made it any better.

Maxine is lying back, smiling at the stars with a bottle held loosely in her left hand. She hums, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I was trying to make them feel better about,” Sam waves a vague hand through the air, trying to encompass _‘Being mind-controlled and killing tons of people and invading Abel and trying to murder me’_ in one motion, “The whole Moonchild thing. I don’t know if it worked, Five’s so private, y’know, and they keep looking at me like…” He trails off, sighing deeply. Maxine slaps at his shoulder uncoordinatedly, in a way he thinks is supposed to be comforting. “Anyway, the point is, it’s made me start thinking about my family again.”

Maxine clicks her tongue gently, then says, with an air of gravitas that makes it clear to Sam that she’s quoting something, “Down that way madness lies.”

“I _know_ ,” Sam says, because of course _he_ knows that dwelling too much on the past, the things they all had to do to survive, doesn’t do anyone any good, but still, “I haven’t been thinking about the end, more like about growing up. What I thought the future would look like and all that.” 

“And?” Maxine asks. Sam blinks at her vacantly. “What did you imagine the future would be, back then?”

“Oh! Well, my parents were always big on _legacy_ ,” He says, leaning back and closing his eyes, “ _I_ didn’t want much -- I mean, I don’t know, I guess I pictured me… not failing college, first of all, and then maybe getting a job in engineering, figuring out that I actually _did_ like it, so that I could not disappoint my parents _and_ be happy. Marry someone nice, have a kid or two-”

“Wait, you imagined _kids_ back then?” Maxine interrupts, swinging her bottle wildly enough that some of the cider spills out. “You’re so _young_ , and you were already imagining the whole picket fence, 2.5 kids thing?”

Sam shrugs, helplessly. “I liked kids, and it was always expected of me, besides. I told my mum I was bisexual and within a week, she brought me _five_ books on surrogacy options.”

“Paula always wanted kids, but I…” Maxine sighs. Sam can fill in the blanks, so he nods. “I guess I don't regret it now, what with the apocalypse and everything, but still, I was so afraid that I'd be bad at it, that I’d be like my mother that I refused.” 

“Well, isn't that everyone's fear? No one wants to wake up one morning and realize that they've become their dad.” Or, at least, _Sam_ hadn't, before. Now, well… waking up in his father’s old life would be a welcome respite. Maxine nods, taking a swig of cider, and Sam continues. “Besides, for what it's worth, I think you'd be a brilliant mum. You already manage to wrestle our runners into submission, a kid can't be much harder than that, right? Maybe after all this is over…”

“Maybe after all this is over,” Maxine repeats. There's a moment of silence, where they both drink their cider -- and Sam longs for the sweet wines he used to drink, or even some punch to make a mixer, or maybe just a lime to chase the dry taste of the cider -- and then Maxine says, “Maybe, after, it'll be a bit easier for me to choose a donor. Even when I wasn't sure about a baby, I agreed to at least _look_ at some options, for sperm donors, but I never found anyone good enough… I wonder if I was being overly picky on purpose.”

“Nah, it’s an important thing to be picky about,” Sam assures her, not liking the morose turn of her voice. He looks up at the stars above Abel and thinks of the past, of wishes and dreams and a blank scrapbook his mother had kept for him to fill, one day. “I'd do it,” He says, eventually.

“Hm?”

“Be a sperm donor,” He says, and when Maxine jolts straight up, he continues nervously, “For the good of the human race, of course, repopulation and all that.”

“Altruistic,” Maxine said, and through her tone is teasingly sarcastic, her eyes are more considering. “Sam, do you really mean-”

“Doctor Myers, Mr. Yao,” The voice of a very angry, very _tired_ , Janine De Luca cuts in. Sam grimances at Maxine, his face pale with fear. “You both have better have an _extraordinary_ explanation for why I was woken up by a runner concerned for your collective safety.”

“Maybe if we just… pretend we’re not here, she’ll go away?” Sam whispers in suggestion. Maxine shrugs.

“I can both see _and_ hear you, Mr. Yao,” Janine yells up, “Being kept waiting in the middle of the night is not improving my temper.”

“Guess we’re going to have to face the firing squad,” Maxine jokes, slamming back the rest of her drink before crawling over to where they left the ladder they used to get up there. At the foot of the ladder, Janine stands with in a housecoat, with her brows furrowed and her hands on her hips. Sam gulps but nonetheless thinks this whole thing might’ve been worth it, just to see Maxine relaxed for the first time in a long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter Probably next weekend? idk i work a lot but i'm very excited to be writing this


	2. Maxine and Paula

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My name is squid and I Suck at actually updating multi chaps apparently
> 
> Anyway, we don't have a Ton of info about our darling Doctor Wives’ relationship, except that they are in fact in a Relationship, have been in one for at least long enough that they've talked about kids, and Maxine calls Paula her wife in a later season. So a lot of this is headcanons but cmon, this is a ZR fic, you were already expecting that (I'm really and truly not used to being in a fandom where there's Almost No real canon lore and its mostly fanon/headcanons/what have you. Its both freeing and terrifying)
> 
> Please enjoy!

When Maxine finally gets back to Abel, in a ministry jeep of all things, after Five’s had to turn down no less than fifteen offers for a new job, the first thing she does is ask after Paula.

Sam, who’s met them at the gate (To greet both of them, hypothetically, but he’s mostly focused on Five. Maxine's fine with it; she understands what it’s like to wait for your person to come home) points her in the direction of the med tents. “She would’ve come with me but plasmapheresis, you know. Got to keep the good doctor in good health.”

“God willing,” Maxine agrees. She clasps Five’s shoulder, “Guess I’ll just have to go to her then.”

As she’s walking away, Five whistles sharply, catching her attention. When she turns around, they sign, “ **Get yourself checked out too, Maxine. And get some rest, please.** ”

Maxine nods, walking backwards like it’s not taking all of her effort to hide a muscle fatigue limp. “I just have to see Paula, and then I’ll try to break the world record for consecutive hours of sleeping.”

Five looks skeptical, but they’re easily distracted by Sam noticing one of their injuries and beginning to fret. Maxine spins around and begins to make her way to the med tent as quickly as possible.

When she enters, she can’t immediately see Paula and she has to shake off three other medics ( _“I am your_ boss _and I say that I’m_ fine _! It’s just muscle fatigue and a few cuts. The ministry already gave me the resources to dress my wounds, and there are plenty of people who need painkillers more than me.”_ ) before she can get to the plasmapheresis machine’s corner.

"Hello, love,” Maxine says, involuntarily smiling as she pulls a chair beside Paula. Paula takes Maxine's hand, stroking gently over Maxine’s knuckles.

"Welcome home,” Paula says softly, smiling back. Her warm welcome is _almost_ enough to make Maxine miss the way she looks Maxine over, clearly searching for injury. Maxine sighs fondly.

“Didn't I tell you that I wasn't into the whole doctor roleplay thing when we first started dating?” She asks, and then when Paula gives her an unimpressed look, she squeezes their joined hands. “I’m _fine_ , Doctor Cohen. They patched me up in London, I didn’t fall off a suspended roller coaster track, and Moonchild can never control _anyone_ ever again.”

The stiff worry in Paula’s eyes softens a bit, but not all the way. “Really?”

“Really. I’ll be sore for a few days but that's just business as usual these days.”

Paula wavers. Maxine can see her trying to hold onto her concern but she finally gives in. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I-”

“Worry, I know,” Maxine lifts their hands, pressing a kiss onto the back of Paula’s. “It’s endearing.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Paula says, somewhat dryly. Maxine grins at her and leans back, content to bask in Paula’s company for a moment as she decompresses from the rigors of the Ice Cream Cone Tower mission. It’s then that she remember what she said, just before Jamie picked them up, and her face heats up. She _had_ intended to talk to Paula about _maybe_ starting a family, had already spoken to Sam briefly about it, but to bring it up like that, over the _radio_ \-- Maxine can barely believe she’d been that impulsive, that she'd put Paula in that position.

She takes a breath. “Listen, I'm sorry I-”

“Can we talk about-”

They both laugh. Maxine relaxes her shoulders and waves Paula on, “Go on.”

“No, you.”

“Really, I insist.”

“What I was going to say wasn't even important-”

“Paula,” Maxine interrupts her, gesturing with her free hand, “Please, go on.”

Paula just looks at Maxine for a second, eyes a little wider than normal, then takes a deep breath and says, “Can we talk about the baby thing?”

“Oh,” Maxine breathes.

“I know you said it in a moment of great stress,” Paula rushes on, as though she's afraid she won't get to say it if she doesn't go fast enough. She detached her hand from Maxine's so she can run it through her hair, “And I was shocked, at the time, of course, but Maxie… Did you mean it?”

“Of course I did,” Maxine says, first and foremost, because she _does_ ; the timing might've been off but she'd been thinking about it for _months_.

“I just don't want you to feel pressured, you never wanted one before,” Paula cringes a bit, no doubt remembering the arguments they used to have about starting a family, or getting married, or buying a house, or anything that required more commitment than dating for several years and renting a place together. “And, I love you, Maxine, no matter what you're ready for or not ready for, so you don't have to make yourself have a baby for me as a misplaced prize for being committed to our relationship.”

Maxine gasps involuntarily at that. Her immediate response is, of course, anger, because why would Paula ever _doubt_ her sincerity with this, but she makes herself calm down and think a bit -- remembering how she worked five straight fifteen hours shifts and slept at the hospital after she agreed to move in with Paula (the first time) because she regretted the choice and wanted to avoid Paula is enough to shake her out of it. Still, that was years ago and, though the idea of settling like her parents still terrifies her, things are different now. For one thing, she's sure enough of herself to know now that she's _not_ going to become a miserable robot as soon as she has a kid, and she knows now that Paula is _it_ for her; it may've taken the literal end of civilization, losing each other twice, and almost dying too many times to count, but she’s finally got it through her own thick head that being completely dedicated to Paula isn't going to become a regrettable mistake one day.

“I… Understand you hesitance,” Maxine says, finally. She takes another breath and squeezes her eyes closed. “But I'm absolutely sure. Before, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for one of us to begin to hate the other or for something to finally _un_ click, but it never came, and it's never _going_ to. I tried not to fall in love with you because I didn't want us to become my parents, but sweetheart, I was wrong. We're _not_ my parents, or Simon and Janine, or anyone else: we're Maxine Myers and Paula Cohen, and I absolutely adore you and will for the rest of my life. There is _nothing_ I’d want more than to bring a life into this world with you.”

When Maxine opens her eyes, nervous and flustered by her own honesty, Paula has a hand over her mouth and is crying.

“Oh fuck,” Maxine says, reaching forward instinctively and then catching herself. They haven't done extensive research on if all of Paula's possible bodily fluids can transmit the virus, if only because they don't have the resources to do so, but tears are _definitely_  one that does. Yet another reason for Maxine to hate Van Ark and this whole godforsaken zombie plague. “Paula, honey, talk to me, what's wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Paula says, roughly. Maxine rolls her eyes and opens her mouth to snap back, but then Paula moves her hand and Maxine is treated to the most radiant grin that she's seen in _months_. Maxine's heart does backflips as Paula continues, all while beaming at Maxine like she's the best thing in the world. “I'm just _happy_ , so incredibly unbelievably happy, you have no idea. I- I never thought I'd even get back to you, after I got infected, but I'm here and you're here and we're going to have a baby. Oh, Maxie, I wish I could kiss you.”

Maxine wants to say _I wish I could kiss you too_ , because it's true, but they've circled around that enough during late nights and joyful reunions that she just skips straight into the next best thing -- reaching forward, mindful of Paula's arm still connected to the plasmapheresis machine, and hugging her partner as close as possible. Paula wraps her free arm around Maxine just as tightly, leaning her cheek against Maxine's head.

“You're such a softie,” Maxine says into Paula's chest, aggressively ignoring the happy tears prickling in her own eyes. “That was so sappy.”

“It was _perfect_ ,” Paula defends fiercely. Then, quieter, softer, “It's going to make a great story to tell the baby.”

“Our baby,” Maxine corrects, just as softly, hiding her smile in Paula's shirt, “And it'll rot their teeth right out.”


	3. Paula, Maxine, and Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished this chapter instead of playing the new sims expansion, so let it never be said that i don't do anything for y'all
> 
> anyway here it is! the final chapter! (due in no small part to sam talking about missing his family in recent missions, so thanks zr for reminding me that i had to write this)
> 
> thank y'all so much for reading this thing through and i hope you enjoy it!

Everything has cooled down, for now at least, and Paula finally has the opportunity to gather her two best friends to talk about the whole baby thing. It’s a bit difficult to barter for even fifteen minutes with Abel’s head doctor and top radio operator, but Paula manages it -- even if she has to give away two pairs of dry, matched socks for it.

“Now,” Paula says, sitting them both down in the mess hall, “We have something to talk about, I think.”

“Listen, I don’t know how you found out but yes, I _do_ know who broke into your medical supply of alcohol last spring, but I’ve been _sworn_ to secrecy,” Sam says, words rushing out of him too quick for Paula to even ask what he’s talking about. “My runners put their trust in me, and I can’t betray that just because I’m friends with the doctors.”

“I… Don’t even know where to start there,” Paula says, looking at Maxine beseechingly. Maxine, ever helpful, takes over.

“We _will_ be talking about that later,” She tells Sam, frowning at him, “But that’s not why Paula asked to meet with us. Think on it for a second, Sam, what could my partner want to talk to _you_ and _me_ about, after the Ice Cream Cone tower and everything? Starts with a B.”

Sam looks between the two of them skeptically, then tries, “... Brainwashing?”

Paula puts her hands together and brings them up to her lips. “The baby, Sam. We wanted to talk to you about being a donor for us.”

“Oh!” Sam says, shaking his head, “Oh my god, yeah, duh, sorry. It’s just been a weird few weeks, I didn’t even know if you two had had the chance to talk about it yet.”

“Well, we did,” Maxine says, “Though now, I think I’m doubting our choice of sperm donor.”

“Hey!”

“Joking, joking,” Maxine soothes. Sam tries to scowl at her but it breaks into a smile within seconds.

“So, you really wanna go through with it? Turkey baster and all?”

Maxine scrunches up her nose in distaste. “In-vitro might be a thing of the past, but we can do a _bit_ better than a turkey baster.”

“Aw, really?” Sam asks, sounding honest to god disappointed that they weren’t going to send a runner out to find a _turkey baster_ , of all things. “But it’s the _classic_ was to do it.”

“We’re owed enough favors that Abel can spare a few sterile syringes to the cause. There’s no need for all that-” Paula cuts herself off, making a motion not unlike what a clown would use to honk their nose. She grimances even as Maxine and Sam chuckle, because there’s really no dignified way to talk about the possibility of having to squeeze something into your partner like that. “And anyway, do you know the odds on us even _finding_ a clean, preferably unused and unopened turkey baster are right now? Because I’d guess ‘not good.’”

Sam shrugs, conceding that. “True, but I would’ve liked to be able to tell the Cohen-Myers baby-”

“It’s Myers-Cohen, Sam, we’ve _talked_ about this,” Maxine says. Paula blinks, brows furrowed, because Maxine certainly hasn’t spoken to _her_ about her preferred form of hyphenation for their names. Still, she pins that for later as Maxine continues, “Little baby Myers-Cohen-Yao.”

“Yao?” Sam asks, shocked, “You want to give them my last name?”

“Of course we do, they’re going to be yours too,” Paula confirms, and she’s nearly certain that Sam tears up a bit.

“Sperm donors don’t usually, er, lay claim to their… donees.”

Maxine laughs, “This isn’t exactly a _usual situation_ , Sam.”

“I just, er, I mean… I don’t want to impose,” Sam rushes out, looking resolutely away from both of them. He raises a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “I know things aren’t exactly normal now, but most people still start off with just the two parents, and you’ll already have that, with you both being mums and all, and-”

“Sam,” Maxine starts, sharp enough to interrupt and pull his eyes back to her but gentle enough to be kind. She exchanges a look with Paula before continuing in a soft, serious voice. “Do you want to be a part of our baby’s life?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then you will be.”

Sam looks between the two of them, confusion fading away into suspicion and, if Paula’s not mistaken, _hope_. “... It’s that easy?”

“It’s that easy.” Paula confirms, reaching a hand across the table to pat Sam. “Besides, it’s the apocalypse. If there’s _any time_ to throw away conventional family dynamics, it’s now.”

Sam laughs, delighted though his eyes still look a bit misty. “So we’ll raise the baby all together. The three of us-”

“And Five.”

Sam chokes, just a bit, looking at Paula in shock. “I- What? Why would you- What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, I just assumed that Five would want to be involved in raising your child,” Paula says, because why wouldn’t she have? Sam and Five are _something_ and Paula wouldn’t deny Sam’s Something the chance to be in Sam’s child’s life.

“Well, I mean,” Sam starts, in what Paula has come realize is his _I’m deflecting_ voice. He laughs nervously and studiously avoids Paula’s eye, looking instead at a spot on the wall above her head. “I’m sure _everyone_ in Abel will help raise them, obviously. I don’t know _why_ you’d single out _Five_ here.”

"Are you telling me," Maxine asks, holding onto a faux serious tone even as her mouth twitches into a smile, “That you haven't-”

Sam waves his arms haphazardly as if to swipe the whole conversation topic away, flushing. “We’re talking about our _baby_ , not me or Five or me-and-Five, of which there is _nothing to talk about anyway_ , so, really, we should just stop even trying to talk about it.”

“Sam, _really_ ,” Maxine says, full out laughing now, “They broke _brainwashing_ for you. You have _got_ to get on that.”

“There is _nothing to get on_ ,” Sam insists, looking around nervously, face a bright enough red that Paula thinks he might glow in the dark. Paula grins, soaking in the sound of her two favorite people bickering goodnaturedly. _This_ , She thinks, _is going to be a wonderful family to grow up in_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two things:
> 
> \- jody was the one who stole the doctor's alcohol but she did it at the request of several other runners. they threw a small secret party and invited all the operators, so honestly it's a shock that the secret wasn't spilled before this
> 
> \- when the Gang asks if five will parent with them, five bursts into tears and can't stop for hours because they're so honored. five doesn't particularly care for babies, in general, but Little Myers-Cohen-Yao is a baby that five cares a lot about in specific

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed
> 
> [Main Tumblr (pldubrahs)](http://www.pldubrahs.tumblr.com) | [Writing Tumblr (nacreousglowclouds)](http://nacreousglowclouds.tumblr.com/) | [Personal Twitter (@squidias)](http://twitter.com/squidias)


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